Topic: Laughter is the Best Medicine

[bodieph]

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of chicken little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher then paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: Holy Shit! A talking chicken!" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

[ugat]

[size=16]Rogelio at Bitoy[/size]
Rogelio: Bitoy, magbigay ka nga ng isang pangalan na may ?ning.?

Bitoy: Maning.

Rogelio: Magaling. Ngayon naman, ?yung may dalawang ?ning.?

Bitoy: Luningning.

Rogelio: Magaling ka talaga! Eh ?yung may tatlong ?ning,? magbigay ka nga.

Bitoy: Trining

*****

Namatay si Felipe at tinanong siya ni San Pedro kung tagasaan siya. "Sa Pilipinas po," tugon ni Felipe. "Aha! Kay Gloria!" bulalas ni San Pedro. "Pwede kang pumasok sa langit? you have suffered enough!"

*****

Nagkabungguan ang isang trak at isang jeep. Marami ang naaksidente. Kabilang na rito ang magkaibigang Jeffrey at Cesar. "Sana, andito ang kapatid ko ngayon," sabi ni Jeffrey habang umaaray sa sakit. "Bakit, doktor ba ang kapatid mo?" usisa ng naghihingalong si Cesar. "Hindi," tugon ni Jeffrey, "pero hindi pa raw siya nakakakita ng banggaan, eh!"

*****

Guro: Ang lesson natin ngayon ay kabaligtaran ng isang salita. Halimbawa, kung may gabi, may araw. Kung may puti, may itim. Kung may maganda?

Rosa: May pangit, ma?am!

Guro: Good. Ikaw naman, Drake. Kung may bagyo?

Drake: Walang pasok

*****

Hindi nakatiis ang janitor na si Johnny at lumapit sa kanyang boss. "Sir, pwede ho bang pagsabihan ninyo ang mga kliyente ninyo na huwag itapon ang upos ng yosi nila sa sahig?" pakiusap ni Johnny. "Siguro, nahihirapan kang maglinis, ?no?" sey ng boss. Paliwanag ni Johnny, "Hindi naman ho, sir. Kaya lang, nahihirapan akong hithitin pag natapakan na nila."

*****

Misis: Bakit kulang ang inentrega mong sweldo?

Mister: Summer kasi, kaya nag-ambag ako ng pambili ng aircon sa work namin.

Kumpare: Di ba, ?Summer? ang pangalan ng star dancer sa paborito mong beerhouse

[ugat]

[size=16]Natigok dahil sa sariwang gatas [/size]
Cecilia: Hu! Hu! Hu! Namatay ang anak ko sa pag-inom ng gatas!

Aida: Nalason ba?

Cecilia: Hindi? Hu! Hu! Hu! Naupuan ng baka!

*****

Sabi nila, love makes your heart beat fast? your body flushed with excitement? and your mind go around in circles. Love ba ?yun? Parang LBM, ah?!

*****

GMA: Kita n?yo na! Mas mahusay tayo sa crisis management kesa Amerika. Hindi nila makaya ang krisis na dulot ng hurricane Katrina.

Luzviminda: Nakasanayan na lang po ng Pinoy ang lahat ng krisis

*****

Amalia: May gustong mangholdap sa lola ko pero hindi natuloy.

Bernadette: Bakit? May pulis ba sa paligid?

Amalia: Wala. Hindi rin daw alam ni lola kung bakit? Para sinabi lang daw niya, "Wala bang kapsamang rape?"

*****

T: Ano ang gagawin ni EKIS kung masama ang pakiramdam niya?

S: Kahit labag sa kalooban niya, magpapa-CHECK UP siya.

*****

GRO: Alam mo, love, ang bait mo talaga! Feeling ko, ikaw ang taong mamahalin ko forever!

Sugar daddy: Kahit hindi mo ako mahalin? huwag mo lang akong mahalan.

[ugat]

ASO

Rod: Dok, matamlay ang aso ko.

Dok: Bigyan mo ng anti-stress.

Rod: Baka maulol.

Dok: Bigyan mo ng anti-rabies.

Rod: Eh nanghihina.

Dok: Iyong ANTI.

Rod: Rod?

Dok: Antayin mong mamatay!

*****

Pasahero: Mama, dahan-dahan lang po! Alalahanin ninyo na laging nakasunod sa atin ang disgrasya.

Driver: Eh kaya ko nga binibilisan para hindi tayo maabutan

*****

Bakit ba waiter ang tawag diyan sa mga nagse-serve eh tayong mga umorder naman ang pinaghihintay?

*****

Gusto ko sa isang kaibigan? weird, makapal ang mukha, baliw, kalog, at syempre, may pagka-siraulo. Kaya nga gusto kita, eh? kasi, totoo kang tao.

Hindi nagpapanggap na matino!

*****

Anak: Itay, kapatid ko ba si ninong?

Itay: Hindi, anak.

Anak: Eh bakit madalas ko siyang makitang dumedede kay nanay?

[ugat]

[size=16]Car Names Explained [/size]
AUDI - Always Unsafe Designs Implemented

BMW - Big Money Works

Bought My Wife

Brutal Money Waster

BUICK - Big Ugly Indestructible Car Killer

CHEVROLET - Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips

Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every Time

Cheap Heap, Every Valve Rattles, Oil Leaks Every Time

Condition Hopeless, Entire Vehicle Relies On Leftover Engine Technology

DODGE - Drips Oil, Drops Grease Everywhere

Dead or Dying Gas Eater

Dear Old Dads Geriatric Express

FIAT - Failure in Italian Automotive Technology

Fix It All the time

Fix it again, Tony!

FORD - First On Recall Day

First On Race Day

First On Rust and Deterioration

Fix Or Repair Daily

Found On Road, Dead

Fault Of R&D

Fast Only Rolling Downhill

Features O.J. and Rons DNA

Found On Russian Dump

GM - General Maintenance

Great Mistake

GMC - Garage Mans Companion

Got A Mechanic Coming?

HONDA - Had One Never Did Again

HYUNDAI - Hope You Understand Nothings Drivable And Inexpensive

MAZDA - Most Always Zipping Dangerously Along

OLDSMOBILE - Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others

Behind Infuriatingly Late Everywhere

Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of

Buicks Irregular Leftover Equipment

[ugat]

[size=16]Pinoy true meanings:[/size]
TAMAD?taong masipag sa pahinga.

ISDA?hayop na hindi nalulunod.

YAYA?alaga ng ama ng inaalagaang bata.

*****************************

Lola: ineng, may mangliligaw ka naba?

Apo: marami na po sila lola.

Lola: my napipisil ka naba sa kanila?

Apo: titi palang po nila lola, ayaw nila ipapisil yung itlog nila, masakit daw.

*****************************

Girl: sabi mo dok, safe ang calendar method. Bakit nabuntis na naman ako?

Doc: Paano ninyo ginamit ang calendar method?

Girl: Ginawa naming banig!

*****************************

English teacher to Erap: The prefix ?bi? is used to describe things that come in twos like-bicycle, bifocal and binary. Can you give me an example?

Erap: Ma?am, bayag!!

*****************************

Daddy sa anak: Finally nabili ko na ang DIAMOND RING na gusto mo ng mommy mo.

Anak: Di ba BMW gusto ni mommy?

Daddy: Saan mo naman akong pahahanapin FAKE na BMW?

[ugat]

Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?

American: Excuse me

British: Pardon me.

Pinoy: NOT ME!

******************************************

Husband: Parati na lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!

Wife: Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!

Husband: Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!

Wife: Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!

******************************************

Misis: Hudas ka! lagi kang umuuwing lasing. Naaasar na tuloy ako sa mukha mo.

Mister: Pero mahal, kung hindi ako lasing, ako naman ang maaasar sa mukha mo!

******************************************

MISIS: Lolokohin ko ang mister ko. Magpapanggap akong "pick-up girl" dito sa may kanto namin. (Pagkakita kay mister) Hi, pogi! available ako ngayon.

MISTER: Ayoko sa iyo. Kamukha mo ang misis ko!

******************************************

Types of couples:

1. Boy Gwapo + Girl Ganda = Nagmamahalan

2. Boy Gwapo + Girl Panget = Pinikot!

3. Boy Panget + Girl Ganda =Tinutukan!

4. Boy Panget + Girl Pangit = Pasensyahan

[chinita]

[size=13]Two married men talking...
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.

*****************


Wife : Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife : Baka naman niloloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.

*****************

Anak : Tays! Kakains nas tayos!
Tatay : Hoy! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng S sa mga sinasabi mo. Ha! Ano ba ang ulam ?
Anak : BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA !

*****************


A man wanted to buy a bra for his wife but doesnt know the size.

Salesgirl: " Is it as big as a papaya? "
Man: " No. "
Salesgirl : "An apple?"
Man: " No. "
Salesgirl : " Ahh..an egg? "
Man : " YES , but fried! "


*****************

Girl 1 : Halata na tiyan mo, bakit di pa kayo magpakasal ng BF mo?
Girl 2 : Ayaw ng pamilya niya eh ! Girl 1 : Sinong may ayaw, tatay O nanay niya?
Girl 1 : Yung misis niya !

*****************





A Filipino, a Black man, and a White guy are in a bar having a drink. When a gorgeous woman comes up to them and says, "Whoever can
use the words liver and cheese in a creative sentence can have me for tonight."

The White guy says: "I love liver and cheese."
She says: "Thats not good enough."

The Black man says: "I hate liver and cheese."
She says: "Thats not creative."

Finally, the Filipino says: "Liver alone, cheese mine!" [/size][/b]

[chinita]

[size=12]TIPS PARA SA LIGTAS, MAGINHAWA,AT DI MALILIMUTANG PAMAMAALAM SA MUNDO:

**bawal seryosohin, joke joke joke lang**

1. Bago ang lahat, alamin muna ang tamang dahilan sa pagsu-suicide. Kung ang problema mo
lamang ay dahil sa wala kang pera o iniwan ka ng minamahal mo, hindi ka dapat magpakatiwakal.
Ang mundo ay tambak ng mga tao na pwede mong mahalin at ang pera ay pede mong kitain,
kaya hindi ka dapat mawalan ng pag asa. Ang pagkitil sa sariling buhay ay KARAPATAN
LAMANG ng mga taong gumagamit ng cellphone at nakikipagkwentuhan sa loob ng sinehan.

2. kung desidido ka na sa gagawin mong pagpapakamatay at sa tingin mo meron kang tamang dahilan para gawin ito, ang susunod mong hakbang ay ang pagpili ng PARAAN NG PAGPAPAKAMATAY. Ang mga popular na paraan ay ang pagbibigti, pag inom ng lason, pagtalon sa riles ng tren, pagbaril sa ulo ( o sa puso kung wala ka ng ulo pero buhay ka pa din ) at paglaslas ng pulso. Ang mga jologs naman na paraan ay ang pagtalon sa EDSA at pagpigil ng hininga. Tandaan, maari kang mabuhay pag nagkamali ka sa pagsasagawa ng mga nabanggtit, kaya pumili lamang ng isa na HIYANG sayo. Bukod dyan,
marami rin sa mga paraang ito ang MAKALAT at NAKAKA- PANGIT. Dyahe naman kung pagtitinginan ng mga tao yung mukha mo sa ataul tapos mukha kang dehydrated na langaw.

3. Sumulat ng suicide note. Ito ang exciting. Dito pwede mong sisihin lahat ng tao at wala
silang magagawa. Sabihin mo na hindi mo gustong tapusin ang buhay mo kaso lang bad trip silang
lahat. Pero wag din kakalimutang humingi ng tawad sa bandang huli para mas cool pag ginawa
ni Carlo J. Caparas ang buhay mo. At tandaan, IMPORTANTE ANG SUICIDE NOTE para malaman ng mga tao na nagpakamatay ka nga at hindi na murder. Sa ganitong paraan, maiiwasan ng PNP ang pagkuha sa kalye ng kahit sinong tambay bilang suspect.

4. Pumili ng THEME SONG. Banggitin ang iyong special request sa suicide note. Ipagbilin ng
pagtugtugin nito sa prusisyon ng iyong libing. IWASAN ang mga kanta ng Salbakuta. DAPAT
MEDYO MELLOW at MEANINGFULtulad ng mga kanta ng Sexbomb.

5. Isulat ng MAAYOS ang suicide note. PRINT. Iwasang magbura. Gumamit ng scented stationary
at #1 mongol pencil. Lagdaan. Wag gumamit ng sticker. Ilagay ang suicide note sa MADALING
MAKITA. IDIKIT SA NOO.

6. PLANUHIN ANG ISUSUOT. Tandaan, minsan ka lang mamamatay, kaya dapat memorable ang get up. Pumili ng mga telang di umuurong o makati sa katawan. Magbaon ng dalawang pares pampalit pag pinagpawisan ka.

7. Kumuha ng de kalidad na ataul. Maganda ang kulay puti dahil malamig at kumportable kahit
tag init. Huwag magtipid. Mas makakamura kung bibili ng cable ready kesa magpapalit pa balang
araw.

8. Pumili ng magandang pwesto sa sementeryo. Ang puntod ng mga taong ipinanganak sa year of the rat, dragon, rabbit, snake, tiger, chicken, pork, at beef ay dapat nakaharap sa Fiesta Carnival. Ang mga ipinanganak sa ibang taon ay dapat i-cremate at gawing foot powder para gumaan ang pasok ng
pera.

9. Itaon ang araw ng libing sa unang dalawang linggo ng buwan o di kayay huling dalawang linggo
para gumaan ang pasok ng pera.

10. Kung meron ka ng NBI, at police clearance, affidavit of loss, voters ID, promissory note,
original copy of birth certificate, at urine sample, pwde mo ng isagawa ang kalugod lugod na
gawain. Siguraduhin lang na di ka mababalita sa tabloid katabi ng mga article tungkol sa kabayong
tatlo ang ulo, at sirenang namataan sa Manila Bay para gumaan ang pasok ng pera.

MABUHAY KA KAPATID!!!!!![/size][/b]

[chinita]

[size=12]Bragging about Japan

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"
There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"[/size][/b]

[chinita]

[size=12]Pix...Sesame Characters...[/size][/b]


[ 4162_sesame.jpg ]

[chinita]

[size=12]Magsasaka: Lalaking-lalaki talaga ang aking anak, kasi, nagsasaka na! Ano ang plano mong itanim sa sakahan mo, anak?

Binata: Flowers, papa? flowers![/size][/b]

[chinita]

[size=12]Mahirap pag walang nagmamahal? walang karamay sa problema. Madalas, walang kausap. Malamig ang Pasko, damay pati Valentine?s.

Pero mas mahirap kapag mag-isa ka? kung nakasakay ka sa seesaw, di ba? [/size][/b]

[chinita]

[size=12]*** warning: rated PG ***

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.

The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this:

When the lady got on the bus, I couldnt help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logans Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "Williams Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself.

BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident".. I just lost it."

"CASE DISMISSED!!"[/size][/b]

[chinita]

[size=12]pasintabi sa mga kumakain...

There was a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

One day she met a man and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." She made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one hip and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck had ran over a skunk in front of pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cooked cabbage. Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.

She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long and he asked her if she peeked. She assured him that she had not. At this point he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised all right. There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a "Happy Birthday"!!!

***ano kaya kung nagpalusot na lang sya by saying, "Happy Fourth of July!"  :p   :p   :p [/size][/b]

[ugat]

[size=16]Have a good laugh!!!!!!!!!!!! [/size]

1.) Kung mayaman ka, meron kang "allergy" Kung
mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay "galis" o "bakokang"


2.) Sa mayaman, "nervous breakdown" dahil sa
"tension and stress" Sa mahirap, "sira ang ulo"

 
3.) Sa mayamang "malikot ang kamay", ang tawag ay
"kleptomaniac" Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay "magnanakaw" o "kawatan"


4.) Pag mayaman ka, youre "eccentric" Kung mahirap
ka, "may toyo ka sa ulo" o "may topak" o "may sayad"


5.) Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay
may "migraine" Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang
ulo mo, ikaw ay "nalipasan ng gutom"


6.) Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone
who is "scoliotic" Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay "kuba"


7.) Kung ang se?orita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay
"morena" o "kayumanggi" Pero kung isa kang domestic
na maitim, ikaw ay "ita" o "negrita" o "baluga" o "tsimay"


8.) Kung nasa high society ka at ikaw ay maliit, ang
tawag sa iyo ay "petite" Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw
ay "pandak" o "bansot" o "unano" o "jabbar"


9.) Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay "pleasingly plump"
Kapag mahirap ka at ikay mataba, "tabatsoy" o
"lumba-lumba"... pagminamalas ka, "baboy"


10.) Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon,
ang tawag sa iyo ay "game" Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay
"pakawala" o "pam-pam"


11.) Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay
"liberated" Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa
iyo "malandi" o "haliparot" o "halipandas" o "dalahira"

14.) Kung may pera ka, ang tawag sa iyo "single
parent" Pero kung wala kang trabaho, ang tawag sa iyo "disgrasyada"


15.) Ang tawag sa mayayamang puro gulay ang
kinakain, "vegetarian" Habang kakaawa ang mahirap na kumakain ng damo."


16.) Sa exclusive school, "assertive" ang mga batang
sumasagot sa mga guro Pero pag ang mga mahihirap na
bata ang sumasagot sa mga guro, ang tawag sa kanila
ay "walang hiya" o "walang modo" o "bastos"


17.) Ang mayamang tumatanda, "are graduating
gracefully into senior citizenhood" Ang mga mahihirap ay "gumugurang"


18.) Ang anak ng mayaman ay "slow learner" Ang anak
ng mahirap ay "bobo" o "gung-gong"


19.) Kung mayaman ka at marami kang kumain, you
flatter your host who says, "masarap kang kumain and
I like you, you do justice to my cooking" Kung
ghastly peasant ka eating the same amount in the
same house, your host will say to himself na ikaw ay
"patay-gutom" o "hampaslupa" o "masiba"

20.) Kung boss ka at binabasa mo ito sa PC mo, "okay
lang" Pero kung ikaw ay hamak na empleyado lamang,
ikaw ay" nagbubulakbol"...

[chinita]

[size=12]sa isang barko, nakasakay ang maraming tao at isang kuba.

sa kasamaang palad, nagkaroon ng butas ang barko at lumubog ito

marami ang namatay

ngunit sinuwerte si kuba.

pero bigla nyang napansin na nasa lugar pala siya ng dagat na puro pating.

tiyempo namang may lumapit na pating sa kanya

sabi ni kuba: "Pating kainin mo na ako, walang kwenta ang buhay ko."

ngunit sabi ng pating: "Neknek mo! Niloloko mo ako isa kang Pawikan! Pawikan! Di mo ako maloloko!"[/size][/b]

[chinita]

[size=12]Grabe talaga ang mga iba diyan. Mahirap intindihin...... sa kanila ang malambot "SUP", ang sabaw "SUP", ang sabon "SUP" pa rin.
----------
Mr. 1: Wow, first year wedding anniversary niyo na, anong gift mo sa Misis mo?
Mr. 2: Dadalhin ko siya sa Africa!
Mr. 1: Sarap naman, eh next year ano naman ang gift mo?
Mr. 2: Kukunin ko siya pabalik!!!
========================

What would happen if you have a wooden car with wooden wheels, a wooden chair and a wooden engine?
Ans: It wooden start!!!
========================

This is a Filipino making a long distance phone call....
Operator: AT&T, How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party youre calling?
Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person youre calling phonetically.
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali, Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io, and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport agen, B as in Because, A as in airport agen, N as in enemy, Q as in Cuba, U as in Europe, E as in important, and L as in elephant.
===========================

This is a Filipino in an American coffee shop:
Waiter: What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?
Pinoy: No, Big cup!! Big cup!
Waiter: What would you like for your breakfast?
Pinoy: Hameneggs.
Waiter: And how do you like your eggs, sir?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I like dem beri much.
Waiter: No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?
Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. I wud like dem cooked.
Waiter: (with increasing impatience)
Would you like your eggs...fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?
Pinoy: (with increasing uneasiness) Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled.
Waiter: And what bread would you like?
Pinoy: Begyurpardon?
Waiter: What kind of bread would you like? white? rye? whole wheat? toast?
Pinoy: Pan Americano
Waiter: We dont have that.
Pinoy: Okey, gib me taystee.
Waiter: We dont have that either, sir.
Pinoy: Do you heb pan de lemon or bonete?
Waiter: Sir, you are wasting my time. I shall ask for the last time, what would you like for breakfast?
Pinoy: Donut plis.... [/size][/b]

[chinita]

[size=12]All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "because I run all the bodys systems, so without me nothing would happen".

"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me youd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."

"I should be in charge," said the rectum , "Because Im responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story? The a****le is usually in charge !![/size][/b]

[chinita]

[size=12]Three guys were stuck on a tiny island somewhere in pacific... until they found magic lamp floating nearby and they hurriedly get it and rub it until a genie comes off saying "i will grant each of you a wish that i will fulfill".

the first guy said: " i wanna go home in missouri" and the genie grant his wish. the second guy, "i wanna go home in alabama" and the genie grant his wish too. the third guy, "oh im so sad, i wish my friends are here." and in an instant, the two guys who wish to go home are instantly re-appeared in the island and the genie and lamp were instanly vanished.[/size][/b]

[chinita]

[size=12]Pedro: Bakit yung helicopter at eroplano parehong nakakalipad?

Juan: syempre kasi may elisi

Pedro: eh bakit yung electric fan may elisi pero ayaw lumipad?

Juan: sira ka pala eh, paano makakalipad yun kung naka-plug!!![/size][/b]

[ugat]

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year,
Japanese scientists found
traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came
to the conclusion
that their ancestors already had a telephone network
one thousand years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed,
American scientists dug
200 meters and headlines in the US papers read: "US
scientists have found
traces of 2000-year-old optical fibers, and have
concluded that their
ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital
telephone 1000 years
earlier than the Japanese."

One week later, a Filipino newspaper reported the
following: "After digging
as deep as 500 meters, Filipino scientists have found
absolutely nothing.
They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their
ancestors were already using
wireless technology."

Cheers!!!!

[ugat]

try nyo to click this .... (its safe)

http://f1.grp.yahoofs.com/v1/oIOJQ88iT_USouJ3IN9Sb_F6UppANKDjNO7dzbRV2hSgvJwKvwieaeqZTJPGyHLTnyznou6--_NZHub8v_nyVxqd0Ln8-Srzyw/KahalayaN%20%20/265,10,Slide 10

[ugat]

ops sorry not working...

[ugat]

[size=16]Ganito magbigay ng masamang balita[/size]
KUMIRIRING ang telepono nang madaling araw....

 "Hello, Master Carlos? Si Arnaldo po ito, yung katiwala niyo sa bahay-bakasyunan niyo."

"O, Mr. Arnaldo, ikaw pala. Anot napatawag ka? May problema ba?

"Um, napatawag lang po ako para abisuhan kayo na namatay ang alaga niyong parrot."

 "Yung parrot kong si Pikoy, patay? Yung nanalo sa bird show?
 "Opo, Master Carlos, yun na nga po."
 
"Putris ... sayang! Ang laki pa naman ng nagastos ko sa ibong yon. Hay, buhay! Teka, ano nga ba ang ikinamatay niya?"

"E, kumain po kasi ng bulok na karne...."

"Bulok na karne? At sino namang salbaheng tao ang nagpakain sa kanya ng bulok na karne?"

 "W-Wala po. Nanginain po siya ng karne ng isang patay na kabayo."

 "Patay na kabayo? Anong patay na kabayo, Mr Arnaldo?"

 "E, yun pung mga thoroughbred horses niyo, Sir. Namatay po kasi lahat sila sa pagod, kahihila ng kariton ng tubig."

 "Nasisiraan ka na ba ng bait? Anong kariton ng tubbbiiiiggggg?"

 "Yun pong pinampatay namin ng sunog."

"Diyos ko po! Anong sunog naman yang pinagsasasabi mo?"

"Yun pong halos tumupok sa bahay niyo.... Tumumba po yung isang nakasinding kandila, tapos nagliyab yung kurtina at mabilis na kumalat ang apoy...."

 "Ano? Puuut.... E, may kuryente naman diyan sa  bahay-bakasyunan, a. Parasaan yung kandila?"
 
"Para sa burol po."

"Ano? Kaninong burol?

"Sa nanay nyo po, Sir. Bigla kasi siya dumating dito nung isang gabi, walang kaabi-abiso. Lampas hatinggabi na. Akala ko po magnanakaw. Binaril ko."


  !kkalang   !kkalang   !kkalang   !bang   !ill