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Author Topic: Laughter is the Best Medicine  (Read 9667 times)

chinita

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Re:
« Reply #25 on: October 30, 2005, 08:37:25 pm »
[size=11]Ten things to say about gifts you dont like


10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that wouldve fit.

9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.

8. Perfect for wearing in the basement.

7. Well, well, well...

6. I really dont deserve this.

5. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!

4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it will inspire.

3. If the dog buries it, Ill be furious!

2. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal witness protection program.

1. To think I got this the year I vowed to give all my gifts to charity. [/size]
[/b]
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ugat

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Re:
« Reply #26 on: October 31, 2005, 05:59:19 pm »
[size=20]BATTLE OF THE BRAINLESS:[/size]

Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of the Philippines? Contestant: Niyog?
Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.
Contestant: (in a stronger-sounding voice and tone) NIYOG!!!

 *********
Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?

Contestant: Sa back?
Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay  letter "L" (Luneta).
Contestant: Likod?

Host: Hindi pa rin. Paramas madali, "R.P." ang
            initials ng modern name nito (RizalPark).
Contestant: Rear Part? (Susme! Likod pa rin yun!)

 ************
Host: Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag
            summer upang maligo?
Contestant: Banyo?
Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga  babaeng naka-
bikini.
Contestant: Beerhouse!

 ************
Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na
  sumasagip sa iyo pag Ikaw ay nalulunod?
Contestant: Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng
  sabon ang pangalan ng ito.
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot  mo.
Contestant : Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant: Ah, Mr. Clean!

************
Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na floatation device
sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant: Sirena?
Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant: Siyokoy?
Host: Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant: Siyoke?

 ************
Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the
Philippines?
Contestant: Sunflower?
Host: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa kalye.
Contestant: Stork?
Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?
Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Host: Oh, para madali, uu litin ko ang clues at
 dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan ng bulaklak na

    nagsisimula sa  "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A", at

    kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?
Contestant: Si...Sharon Cuneta!

 ************
Host: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess
Grandmaster(Eugene Torre) of Asia?
Contestant: Carole KING?
Host: Hindi, mas mababa sa king.
Contestant: Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
Contestant: Armida Siguion- REYNA?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant: BISHOP Bacani?
Host: Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant: Johnny MidNIGHT?
Host: Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant: Jerry PONS?
Host: Oh, ayan na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesa sa Chess.
Yung kahuli- hulihang piyesa na lang.

Contestant: Sylvia laTORRE!

 ************
Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 Peso bill?
Clue:may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquino)
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant: Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant: ANO??!! PATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR?!!

 *************
Host: What "K" (kalabaw) is the national animal of the
            Philippines?
Contestant: Kuto?
Host: Hindi! Clue: It tills the land.
Contestant: Kutong Lupa! (Bweset!)


  :haha   !amazed   !dodge   ~:(   &|
Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
GAMES finished: DMC1, DMC3, Prince of Perisa 1,2,3 God of War 1 &2  Resistance Fall of Man, Heavenly Sword, Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Ps3) Def Jam Fight for NY, Gears of War, NBA Street V8
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ugat

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Re:
« Reply #27 on: October 31, 2005, 06:33:32 pm »
[size=16]How to Describe Your Breasts in a Chat Room [/size]


(o)(o) perfect breasts

( + )( + ) fake silicone breasts

(*)(*) high nipple breasts

(@)(@) big nipple breasts

oo a cups

{ O }{ O } d cups

(oYo) wonder bra breasts

( ^^)( ^^) cold breasts

(o)(O) lopsided breasts

(Q)(O) pierced breasts

(p)(p) hanging tassels breasts

\o/\o/ Grandmas breasts

( - )( - ) flat against the shower door breasts

< o>< o> electric shock breasts

|o||o| android breasts

(/)(o) scratched breasts (ouch)

(%)(o) extra nipple breasts (like Chandler)

($)($) Jenny McCarthys breasts



now u know... chat na tyo sa www.espiya.com

  :haha   !amazed   !amazed   :O
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ugat

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Re:
« Reply #28 on: November 01, 2005, 02:02:55 am »




[size=16]Pinapaselos[/size]

Ring, ring............

Amo: Inday, sagutin mo an telepono baka kabit yan ng Sir mo!!!

Inday: Si Maam talago o... pinapaselos ako!!!

***

Most sensitive

Question: What is the most sensitive part of the body when masturbating?

Answer: The ears.

Why: To hear incoming footsteps.

***

Anak ng Condom

Boy to Dad: Dad, why did you name me Conrad Domingo?

Now, my friends call me ConDom.

***

Good Time

"Honey, good time naman tayo." landi ni misis kay mister.

"Sige ba. Pero kung mauna kang uuwi sa akin, pakibukas na lang ilaw sa labas ha." sagot ni mister.

***

Dahil sa Pera

"Kung hindi sa pera ko hindi ka makakatira sa ganitong kalaking bahay!" sigaw ng mister sa kanyang misis.

"Hoy, kung di dahil sa pera mo wala din ako dito!"

Balik naman ng misis sa mister.

***

Wedding Ring

"Mali yata ang pagkakasuot mo ng wedding ring mo kumare?" tanong ng kaibigan sa kanyang kalaro sa mahjong.

"Okay lang yun, mali rin kasi ang napakasalan ko eh," sagot naman ng ka quorum.

***

Sinong Tanga

"Alam mo bang napakatanga ko noong pinakasalan kita!" sigaw ni misis na hihiwalay na sa kanyang mister.

"Alam ko, pero in-love ako sa iyo noon kaya hindi ko na lang pinansin ang katangahan mo," sagot naman ni mister.

***

Milyonaryo

"Ako ang tumulong sa asawa ko para maging milyonaryo!" pagyayabang ng isang misis sa kanyang mga kumare.

"Bakit, ano ba siya dati?" tanong ng isang kumare.

"Bilyonaryo." sagot ni misis na gastador.

***

Kamukha

Pinagmamalaki ni Maria ang kanyang bagong silang na sanggol sa kanyang mga kaibigang babae.

"Ang cute cute ng anak mo! Kamukha ng tatay niya!" sabi nila.

"Oo nga eh, ayun ang pinag-aawayan naming mag-asawa palagi. Hindi niya raw kasi kamukha ang bata," sabi ni Maria.



  !amazed   !ill   :bang   :haha
Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
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chinita

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Re:
« Reply #29 on: November 01, 2005, 02:27:34 am »
[size=11]Knickers in the Pink of Health!

My wife has this habit of wearing my underwear, saying that wearing them makes her secure and makes her feel as I was working inside her. But this one time a sort of role-reversal occurred: because of our busy schedule we were unable to do our laundry for two weeks.

All my underwear were soiled?which meant I had to borrow her underwear if I was to wear any. I dug through her drawer and found this one pink underwear. I held it up and figured, what the heck, rather than endure the queasy feeling of a dangling schlong, I wore her pink undies to work. But what Id failed to consider was that it was a special day at the office. It was our annual medical checkup. The sort of checkup were youd be lining up with the rest of your officemates and youd be asked to take off your pants and moon the nurse.

To save me further embarrassment, let me just say that every time company health checkups are talked about, my officemates give me these silly grins, because they remember what Id worn underneath on that special day.

- Mr. Pink, by email



hehehehe--
[/size]



[ 4162_knickers_pink.jpg ]
There are two kinds of people in thisworld...the ones that wants to be me and the ones that wants a part of me...

ugat

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Re:
« Reply #30 on: November 01, 2005, 02:57:34 am »
 [size=16]  20 years...[/size]


A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in


their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She


finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee.





He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches


as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.





"Whats the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room."Why


are you down here at this time of night?"





The husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember twenty years ago


when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.





"Yes, I do," she replies. .





The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember


when your father caught us in the back seat of my car





"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.





The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my


face and said, Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail


for twenty years?"





"I remember that, too" she replied softly.





He wiped another tear from his cheek and said . . "Laya na sana ako


ngayon."



  ~:(   :)   :(   %-6   !ill   ;)   !amazed   :bang   :haha   :scratch
Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
GAMES finished: DMC1, DMC3, Prince of Perisa 1,2,3 God of War 1 &2  Resistance Fall of Man, Heavenly Sword, Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Ps3) Def Jam Fight for NY, Gears of War, NBA Street V8
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nizeguy

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Re:
« Reply #31 on: November 01, 2005, 03:18:00 am »
si nanay sexy ha..... pang fhm ang dating....

chinita

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Re:
« Reply #32 on: November 01, 2005, 12:40:46 pm »
[size=11]A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?"

"Thats Mother Teresas. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"

St. Peter responded, "Thats Abraham Lincolns clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Wheres Gloria Macapagal Arroyos clock?" asked the man.

"The Philippine Presidents clock is in Jesus office. Hes using it as a
ceiling fan."[/size]
[/b]
There are two kinds of people in thisworld...the ones that wants to be me and the ones that wants a part of me...

ugat

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Re:
« Reply #33 on: November 03, 2005, 09:29:22 am »
SEX


SEX is RELIGIOUS: Oh, GOD ang laki. SEX is DANGEROUS: Aray, ang sakit. SEX is ATHLETIC: Sige, bilisan mo pa. And SEX is DEADLY: Sige, hugutin mo at PAPATAYIN kita!!!
Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
GAMES finished: DMC1, DMC3, Prince of Perisa 1,2,3 God of War 1 &2  Resistance Fall of Man, Heavenly Sword, Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Ps3) Def Jam Fight for NY, Gears of War, NBA Street V8
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ugat

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Re:
« Reply #34 on: November 03, 2005, 10:02:50 am »

madre: ano ang apelyido mo iho?lalake: alam niyo na po yun sister! lagi niyo pong hinahawakan yun!madre: HA!? BAYAG ANG APELYIDO MO??? lalake: sister naman! Rosario po ang apelyido
Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
GAMES finished: DMC1, DMC3, Prince of Perisa 1,2,3 God of War 1 &2  Resistance Fall of Man, Heavenly Sword, Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Ps3) Def Jam Fight for NY, Gears of War, NBA Street V8
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chinita

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Re:
« Reply #35 on: November 04, 2005, 08:43:49 am »
[size=11]How many sheep do I have?



There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.

So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.

Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.

The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.

"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.

Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.

She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.

She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"

The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "Youre a blonde! Now give me back my dog."[/size]
[/b]
There are two kinds of people in thisworld...the ones that wants to be me and the ones that wants a part of me...

ugat

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Re:
« Reply #36 on: November 04, 2005, 09:02:42 am »
feet, ako na yata ang pinakapagod lakad ako kung saan ako dalhin ng boss ko.~~ buttocks, sa akin ang pinakamahirap araw-araw toilet bowl ang kaharap ko. ~~ brain-pinakamahirap na yata ang sa akin kahit tulog si boss nagtatrabahopa rin ako. ~~ TT - puro easy trabaho nyo, ako gabi-gabi ipinapasok sa napakadilim at mabahong kuweba tapos iu-untog ako ng iu-untog ng amo ko hanggang sa mahilo ako at magsuka ng magsuka!
Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
GAMES finished: DMC1, DMC3, Prince of Perisa 1,2,3 God of War 1 &2  Resistance Fall of Man, Heavenly Sword, Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Ps3) Def Jam Fight for NY, Gears of War, NBA Street V8
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chinita

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Re:
« Reply #37 on: November 04, 2005, 09:43:42 am »
[size=11]Nothing is funnier than hear Italians not borned in USA talk. Read the story and learn how they pronounce English words:

Subject: Two Italian Men


A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down
and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them
at first, but her attention is galvanized when she
hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the
lady indignantly.
"In this country . . . we dont speak aloud in
public places aboutour sex lives! "

Hey, coola down lady," said the man.

Who talkin abouta sex? Im a justa tellin my
frienda how to spell Mississippi."

IVE GOT $5.00 THAT SAYS YOURE GONNA READ THIS
AGAIN ![/size]
[/b]
There are two kinds of people in thisworld...the ones that wants to be me and the ones that wants a part of me...

chinita

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Re:
« Reply #38 on: November 04, 2005, 09:51:28 am »
[size=11]CATHOLIC LADIES

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together, discussing how important their children are.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into
a room, everyone calls him "Father."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "Well, my son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Grace."

The third Catholic woman says smugly, "Well, not to put you down, but my
son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say Your
Eminence."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three
women give her this subtle "Well...?" She replies, "My son is agorgeous, 62", hard bodied, well hung, Male stripper. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, "My God...."[/size]
[/b]
There are two kinds of people in thisworld...the ones that wants to be me and the ones that wants a part of me...

ugat

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Re:
« Reply #39 on: November 04, 2005, 10:16:06 am »
chocolate TALE..


<span class=smalltext>[ 3082_choco_tale.jpg ]</span>
Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
GAMES finished: DMC1, DMC3, Prince of Perisa 1,2,3 God of War 1 &2  Resistance Fall of Man, Heavenly Sword, Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Ps3) Def Jam Fight for NY, Gears of War, NBA Street V8
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chinita

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Re:
« Reply #40 on: November 06, 2005, 02:03:01 am »
[size=14]MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE
HAS BEEN FOR 15 YEARS.


HE BREAKS INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR
MONEY AND GUNS AND
FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE IN BED. HE ORDERS
THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM
TO A
CHAIR. WHILE TYING THE GIRL TO THE BED HE
GETS ON TOP OF HER,
KISSES HER NECK, THEN GETS UP AND GOES
INTO THE BATHROOM.


WHILE HES IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS
HIS WIFE:


"LISTEN, THIS GUYS AN ESCAPED CONVICT,
LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES!
HE PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF TIME IN JAIL
AND HASNT SEEN A WOMAN IN
YEARS.
I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK. IF HE
WANTS SEX, DONT RESIST, DONT
COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU.
SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE
NAUSEATES YOU. THIS GUY IS PROBABLY
VERY DANGEROUS. IF HE GETS ANGRY,
HELL
KILL US. BE STRONG, HONEY. I LOVE YOU"


TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS:
"HE WASNT KISSING MY NECK. HE WAS
WHISPERING IN MY EAR. HE TOLD ME HE
WAS
GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE, AND ASKED
IF WE HAD ANY VASELINE. I TOLD
HIM IT
WAS IN THE BATHROOM.


BE STRONG HONEY. I LOVE YOU TOO!!"


  :)   :p   :D [/size]
[/b]
There are two kinds of people in thisworld...the ones that wants to be me and the ones that wants a part of me...

chinita

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Re:
« Reply #41 on: November 06, 2005, 02:05:44 am »
[size=13]A woman decides to have a facelift, for her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you dont mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32," is the reply.

"Nope! Im exactly 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later, she goes into McDonalds, and asks the counter girl, the very same question.

The girl replies, "I guess about 29."

The woman replies (smiling), "Nope, Im 47."

Now shes feeling really good, about herself. She stops in a drugstore, on her way down the street. She! goes up to the counter, to get some mints, and asks the clerk, this burning question.

The clerk responds, "Oh, Id say 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you."

While waiting, for the bus to go home, she asks an old man, waiting next to her, the same question.

He replies, "Lady, Im 78, and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way, to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you, to let me, put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are."

They wait in silence on the empty street, until curiosity gets the best of her. She finally blurts out, "What the heck, go ahead."

He slips both of his hands, under her blouse, and under her bra, and begins to feel around, very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast. He gently pinches each nipple.

He pushes her breasts together, and rubs them against each other.

After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay,...how old am I?"

He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands and says, "Madam, you are 47.

"Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how could you tell?"

The old man replies, "Promise you wont get mad?"

"I promise I wont." she says.

He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonalds."
  !amazed   !amazed   !amazed [/size]
[/b]
There are two kinds of people in thisworld...the ones that wants to be me and the ones that wants a part of me...

ugat

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Re:
« Reply #42 on: November 06, 2005, 02:40:23 pm »
Jeep Passenger: Manong, bayad ko oh..

Driver: San galing?

Jeep Passenger: Sa ?akin malamang!

Driver: Papunta saan?

Jeep Passenger: Sa?yo TANGA!

*******************************

Sakristan: Padre, magkukumpisal po ako.

Padre: Ok, ano yun?

Sakristan: Ginahasa ko po alaga naming aso.

Padre: Naipasok mo ba?

Sakristan: Opo!

Padre: Mabuti ka pa, ako NAKAGAT!

*******************************

Anak: Papa, nagtumbling ako sa iskul.

Ama: I told you huwag kang magtatumbling at nakikita ang panty mo!

Anak: Hindi nakita kasi inilagay ko sa bag ko.

*******************************

Anak: Dad, diba sabi nyo na expelled kayo noon sa college?

Dad: Oo?bakit?

Anak: Totoo pala ang kasabihang??HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF!?


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Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
GAMES finished: DMC1, DMC3, Prince of Perisa 1,2,3 God of War 1 &2  Resistance Fall of Man, Heavenly Sword, Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Ps3) Def Jam Fight for NY, Gears of War, NBA Street V8
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ugat

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Re:
« Reply #43 on: November 06, 2005, 03:01:01 pm »
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kape ko.

APO: lo, Gina po.

LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kutchara.

APO: lo, Gina po.

LOLO: Punyeta ka, Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!

*****

TUTPIK:

Kustomer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang, ang dali pang mabali!

Waiter (inis): Alam nyo, sir, ang dami nang gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang nakabali!

*****

CONFIDENT VS CONFIDENTIAL:

Anak: Itay, ano ang kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?

Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.

*****

FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES:

Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies"?

Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang tatay mo, hangga ngayon, buhay pa ang animal!

*****

SUKO SA MISTER:

Mrs 1: Suko na ako sa mister ko, lagi na lang ako binubugbog bago niroromansa...

Mrs 2: Mas grabe yung mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday ang niroromansa.

Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
GAMES finished: DMC1, DMC3, Prince of Perisa 1,2,3 God of War 1 &2  Resistance Fall of Man, Heavenly Sword, Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Ps3) Def Jam Fight for NY, Gears of War, NBA Street V8
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ugat

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Re:
« Reply #44 on: November 06, 2005, 03:07:33 pm »


Mrs: Ano ba? Two days na tayong kasal, la pa rin.

Mr: Kasi pagod ako.

Mrs: Sige ka, pag ayaw mo, maghahanap ako ng lalaki.

Mr: Sige, gawin mong dalawa, tig isa tayo!

*****

PARI AT MADRE:

Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kukunin ko lang toothbrush ko...

Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.

Pari: Ok, antay ako.

Sister: Pasok na, wala na akong panty!

*****

ESTUDYANTE:

Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500, estudiante!

Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas magaling pa sa estudiante.

Bugaw: Meron din, sir. Ang PRINCIPAL, okey yun!

*****

AFTER THE WEDDING:

Husband: Sinungaling ka, sabi mo virgin ka! Bakit kagabi maluwag na!

Wife: Ulol ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!

Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
GAMES finished: DMC1, DMC3, Prince of Perisa 1,2,3 God of War 1 &2  Resistance Fall of Man, Heavenly Sword, Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Ps3) Def Jam Fight for NY, Gears of War, NBA Street V8
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ugat

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Re:
« Reply #45 on: November 06, 2005, 03:31:43 pm »

Lagi ka na lang may reason? nakalimutan mo nang magparamdam? Nakalimutan mo nang mag-text. Nakalimutan mo nang magpaalam. Pero, ingat ka! Baka pag naalala mo ?ko, wala na akong load at hindi ako makapag-reply.

*****

Sa mga panahong hindi kita nai-text, hindi nakumusta, huwag mo sanang isiping nalimutan na kita dahil hindi mangyayari ?yun. Hindi ka mawawala sa isip ko. Nasa CR lang ako kaya hindi ako makapag-text

*****

Michelle: Grabe ka, sis! Kaya pala hindi ka nauubusan ng load at kustomer eh okey ang promo mo.

Brigitte: O, di ba, tama lang ?yung, ?Send a load before you unload!? ang offer ko

*****

Orly: O, anong sabi ni Betcha? Okey ba?

Dindo: Pahamak ka, eh! Lalo siyang nagalit!

Orly: Bakit? Di mo ba ginawa ang sinabi ko?

Dindo: Sinunod ko nga. Sinabi mo na kung didigahan ko siya, may rhyme para lalo niyang magustuhang makinig.

Orly: Eh ano bang sinabi mo?

Dindo: ?Betcha, you?re beautiful today, but tomorrow is another day

*****

Pag ngumiti ang isang tao, may dahilan? Pwedeng iniisip niya ang taong mahal niya? O kaya naman, in love siya. Kaya pag nakikita kitang ngumingiti, isa lang ang dasal ko? Sana, hindi ?yan ang dahilan ng pagkasira ng ulo mo

*****

Misis: Malala na raw ang sakit ko. Mag-asawa ka uli pag wala na ako, ha?

Mister: Ayoko na.

Misis: Bakit naman? Dahil ba sa sobrang mahal mo ako?

Mister: Eh kung magkabiyenan na naman ako na tulad ng nanay mo?!

Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
GAMES finished: DMC1, DMC3, Prince of Perisa 1,2,3 God of War 1 &2  Resistance Fall of Man, Heavenly Sword, Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Ps3) Def Jam Fight for NY, Gears of War, NBA Street V8
accepting friends

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ugat

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Re:
« Reply #46 on: November 06, 2005, 03:35:23 pm »
PagkaGising...

Paggising ko, nasa impyerno na ako? Tapos, nakita kita sa lupa? Sabi ko kay Satan, "Bossing, kunin n?yo rin ?yun! Lalakas ang pwersa natin! Bwahahahaha!"

*****

Sabi nila, puso raw ang mahalaga. Marami raw itong laman. Tulad ng dugo, ugat, muscles at iba pa. Pero alam mo ba kung ano ang laman ng puso ko? Syempre, ?yun din.

*****

Sa mga nangyayaring gulo sa ating gobyerno, dapat maingat ka kung saan ka papanig. Sa LEGISLATIVE ba? Hindi kaya ma-LIGIS ang buhay mo? Sa EXECUTIVE ba? Hindi naman kaya ma-EXECUTE ka? Kaya dapat pag-isipang mabuti upang hindi tayo mapahamak. Subukan mo ang JUDICIARY. Iba ?to! Hindi ka man mabusog, hindi ka naman mauuhaw! JUICYLICIOUS baga

*****

Buti na lang at ?Oreta? ang apelyido ng napangasawa ni dating Senador Tessie Aquino, kaya ang initials niya ay TAO. Paano kaya kung si Mike Enriquez ang naging asawa ni Senador Tessie?

*****

Reporter: Marami na raw pong itik na namatay rito sa lugar ninyo.

Mayor: Oo nga, eh.

Reporter: Hindi po kaya dahil ?yun sa bird flu?

Mayor: Hindi naman siguro.

Reporter: Kung hindi bird flu eh ano po?

Mayor: Baka itik flu

*****

Pilar: Ang saya mo, ah?!

Edna: Hindi kasi nagalit ang asawa ko sa pagkasunog ng niluluto ko.

Pilar: Mahaba talaga ang pasensya, ?no?

Edna: Oo nga. Ang asawa mo ba?

Pilar: Naku, dila lang ang mahaba ru?n

Proud owner of PS3, Xbox360, PsP , PS2 Samsung 32" HD LCDtv
GAMES finished: DMC1, DMC3, Prince of Perisa 1,2,3 God of War 1 &2  Resistance Fall of Man, Heavenly Sword, Ninja Gaiden Sigma (Ps3) Def Jam Fight for NY, Gears of War, NBA Street V8
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chinita

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Re:
« Reply #47 on: November 06, 2005, 04:08:27 pm »
 [size=13]Ako si Gregorio Magtangol, isang Mechanical Engineer sa Pilipinas.

Sa hirap maghanap ng trabaho sa panahon ngayon,
pati pag se-salesman ng vacumm cleaner ay pinasok
ko na.


Minsan, pumunta ako sa isang bahay sa isang
barangay. Kumatok ako sa pinto... Isang malaking
misis ang nagbukas sa akin. Pero bago
nakapagsalita ang babae, inunahan ko sya. mabilis
akong pumasok papunta sa sala nila para di na
makatangi sa presentation ko.

Katulad ng utos ng boss ko, binuksan ko ang isang
plastic bag ng sm at ibinuhos lahat ng lamang tae
ng kalabaw sa carpet. this was a technique taught
to me In selling to get a massive and immediate
attention from the buyer.

Sabi ko sa kanya w/ confidence: "Misis, pag di
nalinis ng vacuum cleaner ko NGAYON ang mga tae sa
carpet niyo, kakainin ko isa-isa yan!", ang
mayabang na sinambit ko.

"Gusto mo ng ketsup para diyan?", tanong ng babae.

Sabi ko, "Bakit po?"
"Eh, kalilipat lang namin. wala pa kaming
kuryente."

  :p   :p   :p
[/size]
There are two kinds of people in thisworld...the ones that wants to be me and the ones that wants a part of me...

chinita

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Re:
« Reply #48 on: November 06, 2005, 04:09:37 pm »
[size=13]SPAGHETTI

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian
woman for several years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she
confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he
paid a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to
secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to
raise the child, he would also provide child support
until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how
he would know when the baby was born.

To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a
post card, and write Spaghetti" on the back. He would
then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his
confused wife. "Honey", she said, "You received a
very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give it to me and Ill explain it," he said.


The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the
card, turned white and fainted.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without." [/size]
[/b]
There are two kinds of people in thisworld...the ones that wants to be me and the ones that wants a part of me...

bodieph

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Re:
« Reply #49 on: November 06, 2005, 08:04:55 pm »
A snake and a rabbit, both blind, meet in the desert. The rabbit says, "Lets feel each other so we know what we are." "OK", says the snake, and proceeds. "Hmm, long ears, fuzzy tail, you must be a rabbit". The rabbit does likewise.
""Hmm, long, hard, slimy, no balls and no ears. You must be a lawyer"."

==============================
Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?
"A bad golfer goes whack......shit! A bad sky diver goes, shit!....whack"