from my collection... funny but true
It is the year 2006 and Noah lives in the PHILIPPINES.
The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. "Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark!"
In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah of the Philippines took the plans and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring all the animals, two by two, and all the righteous people aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into tumult.
The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard in the Philippines, weeping.
"Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?"
"Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems...."
"First, I had to get a Mayor's permit for construction and your plans "did not comply with the codes". I had to hire their "engineering firm" and "redraw" the plans.
Then I got into a fight with the Municipal Fire Safety Inspector over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and extinguishers.
Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a permit from the municipal planning office. The municipal planning office asked me where my barangay clearance was, so I had to go get the clearance from the barangay Captain, who insisted that I buy insurance from him first before I could get the clearance."
"I then had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, as Odette Alcantara's group hugged the trees and didn't want the trees cut for the wood. The DENR agreed with them and said that there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Monkey-Eating Eagle.
I finally convinced the DENR that I needed the wood to save the eagles.
However, Haribon Foundation won't let me catch any eagles. So, no eagles."
"I then hired some carpenters to build the Ark. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the KMU.Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no eagles."
"Just when I got the suit settled, the DENR again notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact assessment on your proposed flood."
"They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over "Acts of God."
"Then the DPWH demanded a map of the proposed new flood plan. I sent them a globe."
"The BIR then holds a press conference and calls me a tax evader under the RATE program, claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the BIR that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a recreational
water craft."
"The PNP on the other hand insists that I will use the Ark to bring Jemiah Islamiyah terrorists into the country."
"The DPWH and DOJ were finally silenced when I agreed to the Malacañang proposal to certify the Ark as part of GMA's Strong Republic Nautical Highway, and put her billboard on it, subject to a permit from the MMDA."
"Lord," said Noah. "I really don't think I can finish the Ark for another 10 or 16 years!"
Noah sat and wailed.
