Topic: He's just not that into you!

[FerminaDaza]

sobrang lito na ko sa bf ko po! matagal ko na syang kaibigan o kkilala pero last 5mos lng ssya ngtapat n gusto nya at kung pede nya ko maging gf? type ko naman din sya,so hindi ko na din pinatagal ate.after 1 month sinagot ko na sya.Now mag 4 mos n kami,pero naguguluhan lng po ako at ang tanung ko na din PANO KO PO BA MALALAMAN NA MAHAL NYA TALAGA AKO?   kasi ganito po,pgkatapos ko syang sagutin parang duon pa sya ngbago ng ugali.ng nanligaw pa sya panay ang labas namin at tawagan,text ganon.pero ngayun parang kelangan na mag wait ako sa kanya lage,minsan nauuna pa barkada nya pag tinatanong ko naman bakit,wala naman daw at minsan busy lang sya! pero talagang naiisip ko na din makipag break na lang ,dahil di ko ma feel na talaga na talagang mahal nya ko or gusto nya ang relationship namin. madami syang di ginagawa na ginagawa ng true bf,pakiramdam ko tuloy laro lang lahat sa kanya!! share naman ate dyan.baket ba ganon ang bf ko? gusto ko na din mkipg break .

hays naku,ewan ko ba dyan sa mga lalaki na yan 

Anyways,may nabasa ako sa MSN Relationship Articles dati pa to but I think will help you to know what whats and decide 



Here are Few of the traits that will tell you unequivocally that a guy is into you:


His actions match his words.
He doesn’t just say he loves you or wants to be with you because he thinks that’s what you want to hear; it’s obvious by the way he behaves.


He introduces you to his friends and family within a reasonable amount of time.
This indicates that he’s increasingly serious about making you part of his life.


His behavior is consistent.Repeat.
He isn’t into you one week and then distant the next. His affection for you is something you can rely on.

sad nga minsan,kahit ako ngi-stumble sa part na to kapag ganun yun guy- inconsistent...napaka SHORT ng attention span ba    fine! in a way,these days sa dami ng makaka-distract;with all this technologies around sa atin individually,di madaling maging consistent    You are really such a lucky gurl to find the One and be with someone - constantly -talagang nag eeffort sa relationship.


He tries to please you.
Because he’s genuinely interested in you as well as your thoughts and feelings, he acts on that. He knows you love the color yellow, for example, so he shows up with a bouquet of yellow flowers.



You don’t feel like you’re doing all the work, and you never find yourself making excuses for him.
As psychologist Geraldine Merola Barton puts it, “The truth is, we always find time for the things we value. If he’s into you, he’ll call, period… no matter what.”

sarap ulitin 'we always find time for the things we value'



So ,as they said,in a relationship,"In order to love a man you should love them little and UNDERSTAND them MORE...And to love a woman, you should LOVE them MORE and Don't understand them at all!"
Hope  this helps pm sender,di lang ikaw ang dumadaan sa ganyang scenario  sabe nga nila si FD,yun issue ng iba nari-resolve pero sa issue nya di ko daw ma-resolve?    and am partly guilty OK!  mas mahirap nga yun alam mo na medyo ganito ganiyan tas tayong mga babae mas gusto pa din natin i-overlook yun mga redflags and focus or even i-justify pa yun guy.Again,we operate differently than men,we value relationship more than anything.we tend to believe like it's a matter of winning the guy over  and wishing he'll be more attentive -yun ang AKALA natin  It's hard to face the truth at times...Men being a HUNTER,once they caught the prey,they'll celebrate and be inside the cave for fire gazing and settle...All I can say is,huwell,that's before ,when mankind lives in the jungle! But NOW, how we wish,we find the one- THE EVOLVE MAN- A MAN OF HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS- someone who is willing to take the challenge,who's OPEN to change-a man who has embraced his shortcomings,done the work,and grown as a human being.I am wishing all men to find their Evolutionary path to better yourself and your relationships.Because,life is all about relationship!!
Being a woman and not to speak in behalf of all women But I know we can all agree that Women want to understand men and their issues;to be sure; but we are also looking to improve the quality of our relationships while staying empowered-as women  ---OT na ba ako? TOINKS  may pinaghuhugutan 


FD over & out! Many thanks Espiya.net 

"I’ve long suggested that a successful relationship or marriage takes effort, not “work”. Oftentimes, Work is that thing you must do in order to have time and flexibility for the things you really want to do. Effort is what you put in to activities you care about… that you are most passionate about making succeed. In short, Effort is a driving force behind a great partnership and marriage." ~ C.J.Orlando

[Pierro7]

He tries to please you.
Because he’s genuinely interested in you as well as your thoughts and feelings, he acts on that. He knows you love the color yellow, for example, so he shows up with a bouquet of yellow flowers.

yan lang ang sagot diyan. gagawin ang lahat, makamit lamang ang matamis mong 'Oo'.
kumbaga, pakitang tao lang. lalo na if you know on your part ay hindi ka nagkulang.
ganyan yung scenario na magliligawan, then pag kasal na at may mga anak, lalabas na akong kulay ni mister.
yan yung may kasabihan tungkol sa sinaing. na hindi kinakain pag mainit. 

naalala ko nung nanliligaw ako. nagbago ugali ko dahil sa kanya. buti na lang binasted ako. kung hindi, niloloko lang din ang sarili ko. 

but since nasabi mo na rin na matagal na kayong magkaibigan, dapat kilala mo na siya. well, baka nga busy lang talaga siya.

[FerminaDaza]

thanks for sharing Luciel    *root beer*

...i was reminded lang,from the past,i used to accelerate yun phase ng relationship and end up with a jerk . I suggest that mainam na din na wak madaliin ang relasyun...i mean,both of you should really take time getting to know each other...

It is useless to put on your breaks when your upside down.


If he is not the man of your dreams now, he's certainly not going to magically transform into Mr. Wonderful .In a relationship nothing is "Abracadabra." If you want him to be someone completely different, could it be that maybe you just need to find someone completely different?

[FerminaDaza]

for more encouragement and give the pm sender more logical way to handle the situation...logical? yes! kasi,when making a decision we use our head 


The best definition of love I have ever read was from Steven Covey from "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" and here is what he said:


---Begin----

At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said,

“Stephen, I like what you are saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I’m really worried. My wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just dont love her anymore and she doesn’t love me. What can I do?”
“The feeling isn’t there anymore?” I asked.
“Thats right.” he reaffirmed. “And we have three children we’re really concerned about. What do you suggest?”
“Love her,” I replied.
“I told you, the feeling just isn’t there anymore.”
“Love her.”
“You don’t understand. The feeling of love just isn’t there.”
Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, thats a good reason to love her.”
But how do you love when you don’t love?”

“My friend, love is a verb. Love — the feeling — is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”

In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling. They’re driven by feelings. Hollywood has generally scripted us to believe that we are not responsible, that we are a product of our feelings. But the Hollywood script does not describe the reality. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to do so.

Proactive people make love a verb, Love is something you do: the sacrifice you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualised through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured.

---End---

[eyecool_04]

wow, i'ts my first to answer one of Ma'am FD thread...anyway, nagustuhan ko kasi yung problem ng sender mo ma'am FD so i decided to share my experience.


to the PM sender, magpapakatotoo lang po ako.

(nangyari po ito habang GF ko ang asawa ko ngayon)

anyway, naalala ko nung time na binata pa ako.may close friend din ako na girl..(superclose). tapos one day i felt that i'm falling inlove with her so i decided na ligawan na lang sya.  kagaya din ng sender,hindi din nya pinatagal.after 2 weeks yata naging kami na kasi mahal din daw nya ako. Pero after nun narealized ko na kaibigan lang pala talaga sya skin at mahal ko talaga yung real GF ko. But i think kahit wala akong GF that time, im sure na kaibigan lang pala talaga ang tingin ko sa kanya... so nakipagbreak na lang sya at hindi ko na sya pinigilan pa...



Pwedeng ganun din yung reason nung guy. i mean possible na na-realized  din nung bf mo na kaibigan ka lang talaga sa kanya at pwede rin yung sinasabi ni kaibigang LUCIEL  na baka busy lang talaga sya!

[FerminaDaza]

huwaw! na tats ako kay eyecool  thanks for sharing...big deal sa akin / and really appreciate men when they share & open up...kasi,  I know di ganun kadali sa inyu maging emotionally open...Men don't benefit from sharing their feelings/emotions unlike women. BUT,with the right attitude all guys CAN EVOLVE! thanks eyecool! see,such experiences in your life will be to another ones blessing as you share a lesson learned    *root beer*

[derbydadi]

no offense meant senyora daza and to the letter sender..but take a good look on the root word itself nanli-"ligaw"..some guys tend to put their best foot forward during the courtship stage.

[FerminaDaza]

no offense meant senyora daza and to the letter sender..but take a good look on the root word itself nanli-"ligaw"..some guys tend to put their best foot forward during the courtship stage.

honga e...point taken bro derbydadi  and thanks! 

sabe nga din Steve Harvey author ng Straight talk No chaser

@ladies,you have to wrap your head around and understand one basic thing about us men: No matter what the question,we will always give you the answer that will make us look the best.Plain & Simple  You've never have a man introduce himself and share w/ you all his bagage and all his bad habits in the first several dates.  [ladies]you're an adult;you know full well everyone comes w/ a history---everyone comes w/ backstory and flaws.Yet if everyman's story was a good as the story he reveals about himself,you would have found your Prince Charming by now.Why aren't you w/ the perfect man? Why? Because no one is that good.........Sure ,there are some men who will lay out all the dirty  laudry up front for you to see.But this is RARE. Very rare. So,[ladies] the onus of getting down the truth is,unfortunately,ON YOU. And you get to the truth by digging deeper. 

[Zany J.]

Sandali lang ha...

To PM sender, hindi naman kaya sobrang nakakasakal ang ginagawa mong pagtrato sa bf mo??? hindi naman kaya sa kanya na lang umiikot ang mundo mo? Baka gusto mo naman 12 hours magkasama kayo? Hindi na BF tawag diyan...

[FerminaDaza]

thanks zany!

my thoughts: always have someone who is pleased to see you,it make you feel worthwhile.

[akosigemweal]

hindi ako pro pero masasabi ko e depende sa dalawa; sabihin nating mahal ka nya at nag aadjust sya? kasi di pa kayo nagtatagal diba? ako po nung nililigawan ko ung girlfriend ko ngayon i have found it hard na mahirap mag adjust. kasi mabarkada akong tao. inistop ko ang pagdodota ko at hindi na ako napapasama sa barkada. pero worth while kasama ung girlfriend ko at hindi naman ako nagsisi. two years na kami ngayon ng girlfriend ko pero masaya pa din kami =) sa lalaki lang po siguro yan. hindi ko sya kilala pero sana mahal ka nya at nag aadjust pa sya.
mahirap talaga din talaga umiwas sa barkada. ganun talaga ang lalaki... pero kung mahal ka talaga nya. kakayanin nya munang iwasan barkada nya.
pero kung sabihin nating hindi ka na nya mahal. siguro way nya lang un para umiwas na. at ayaw ka nyang masaktan kaya hinihintay ka nyang mauna makipag break. siguro lang po.. pero sana hindi ganun.

[eyecool_04]

huwaw! na tats ako kay eyecool  thanks for sharing...big deal sa akin / and really appreciate men when they share & open up...kasi,  I know di ganun kadali sa inyu maging emotionally open...Men don't benefit from sharing their feelings/emotions unlike women. BUT,with the right attitude all guys CAN EVOLVE! thanks eyecool! see,such experiences in your life will be to another ones blessing as you share a lesson learned    *root beer*

nahiya tuloy ako ma'am Fermina Daza 

anway,basta makakatulong po sa mga co-spies natin... 

[w88_108]

for more encouragement and give the pm sender more logical way to handle the situation...logical? yes! kasi,when making a decision we use our head 


The best definition of love I have ever read was from Steven Covey from "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" and here is what he said:


---Begin----

At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said,

“Stephen, I like what you are saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I’m really worried. My wife and I just don’t have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I guess I just dont love her anymore and she doesn’t love me. What can I do?”
“The feeling isn’t there anymore?” I asked.
“Thats right.” he reaffirmed. “And we have three children we’re really concerned about. What do you suggest?”
“Love her,” I replied.
“I told you, the feeling just isn’t there anymore.”
“Love her.”
“You don’t understand. The feeling of love just isn’t there.”
Then love her. If the feeling isn’t there, thats a good reason to love her.”
But how do you love when you don’t love?”

“My friend, love is a verb. Love — the feeling — is a fruit of love, the verb. So love her. Serve her. Sacrifice. Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?”

In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling. They’re driven by feelings. Hollywood has generally scripted us to believe that we are not responsible, that we are a product of our feelings. But the Hollywood script does not describe the reality. If our feelings control our actions, it is because we abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to do so.

Proactive people make love a verb, Love is something you do: the sacrifice you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualised through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured.

---End---

I really really rili like this..

may nabasa din ako dati.. baliktad naman ang sitwasyon si boy naman ung naghahabol kay girl.. hanggang umabot sa isang point napuno na si girl at sinabi nya kay boy.. "wala ka ba talagang respeto sa sarili mo? binabastos na kita at lahat, habol ka pa din ng habol.."

one thing for sure is that the girl and the boy's expectation about having a relationship doesn't match... and it doesn't need to be a ideal match for if they truely love each other they will compromise/meet half-way...

baka in the end ang sagot lang talaga sa problem ni girl ay ung title nitong thread.. "He's just not that into you"... accept it.. set him free... and with that you set yourself free too...

[Schandelah]

First. . Anu ba ang bench mark mo ng pagmamahal?

Your relationship is too young.. Give it a little more time. You haven't mentioned too the age of your BF.. For some guys.. Maturity comes with age... 

Minsan sa sobrang dami ng hinihiling at hinahanap mo, di mo na makita yung hinahatag sa harapan mo mismo.

I know I know... Ang babae pinanganak ng may kakambal na duda at kapraningan. Relax ka lang... Go with the flow.

Pag di na masaya.. Escape ka na! 

[icecoldchiq]

His actions match his words.[/u][/b]
He doesn’t just say he loves you or wants to be with you because he thinks that’s what you want to hear; it’s obvious by the way he behaves.


He introduces you to his friends and family within a reasonable amount of time.
This indicates that he’s increasingly serious about making you part of his life.


His behavior is consistent.Repeat.
He isn’t into you one week and then distant the next. His affection for you is something you can rely on.


He tries to please you.
Because he’s genuinely interested in you as well as your thoughts and feelings, he acts on that. He knows you love the color yellow, for example, so he shows up with a bouquet of yellow flowers.



You don’t feel like you’re doing all the work, and you never find yourself making excuses for him.
As psychologist Geraldine Merola Barton puts it, “The truth is, we always find time for the things we value. If he’s into you, he’ll call, period… no matter what.”

Loved the read! Thanks sis FD

[FerminaDaza]

Loved the read! Thanks sis FD

always welcome sis icc 🌸 and thanks din narefreshed din me as i red it again 

[Schandelah]

PM sender.. Ganun talaga eh.. Minsan kahit ikaw ang naka schedule kailangan mo maghintay kasi hindi ikaw  ang priority...

[kenji_kulet]

  baka busy lang talaga sya ate , minsan naiisip ko rin na masama maging sweet sa mga babae lalo na pag nanliligaw palang

kasi nandyan yung , "bakit dati ang lambing mo?" , "dati naman kumakain tayo sa labas bakit ngayon hindi na?" saka yung "hindi ka naman ganyan dati huh? siguro may iba ka na?"

anyway , naiintindihan ko hinahanap mo ang dati nyang lambing sayo ni boylet ok lang yan girly kasi namimiss mo yung mga dati nyang ginagawa

pero ang negative side lang is

baka sa 4 months nyo , 1 month palang sinuko mo na ang  perlas ng silangan?

naku! tsk tsk tsk!! baka ginawa ka lang nyang trophy

pero malabo yun kasi Friends naman kayo , kung lang naman 

[Type_One]

well, "If excpeting is her favorite crime, disappointment is her usual punishment". She should be in the position where she understands the feeling of someone who has a friend that being eaten up by a girlfriend/relationship. Ofcourse like one of our co-spy mentioned, courtship means that he will do all the nicest things to secure the package. But after that...then back to the usual routine...especially that they have been friends for the longest time, hence that is the 'comfort zone'. It's also true and possible that since she is now the GF...she might have unconsciously put some demands to the guy, which he's not used to...coming from someone who's been his friend. Also, it might help for her to examine the things she is also putting in the table. Does he see something that will serve as inspiration or a push for him to do something new? She might be expecting something, but she's also not really pitching something in for that to happen. Just my 2cents

[zensuke101]

bakit nga kaya nagiging complicated
ang mga situation na mga ito noh
your lucky buti na lang ang daming nagbibigay
ng mga advises sa iyo dito

[BlueAlphaZero]

Write a breakup letter, preferably at at time and place without distractions. If you can start and finish it without misgivings, hesitation, or doubts as to the rightness of what you're doing, then that's a sign that you're capable of ending the relationship.

Of course, bear in mind: just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. Comprenez-vous ce que je dis, demoiselle?