Here are signs your man is watching too much porn. (it's a copy-paste-not mine)"He thinks you should start screaming a climax the second he touches you. Anywhere."If a woman screams the second I touch her anywhere--even if it's just with my hands--I'm fairly certain that the thought of sex will immediately flee my mind and be replaced by the fear that I might be sued for battery.
"He thinks your climaxes should be SCREAMING. When you don't SCREAM, he accuses you of not liking sex.
A woman screaming like a tornado warning siren when she reaches her sexual climax makes me think of that extremely horrifying scene in the movie
Se7en where a man was forced to have sex with a prostitute using a sex toy that
literally killed the woman in bed.
"He thinks if you can't climax during penetration, there's something wrong with you. Seriously suggests you see a doctor or get therapy."I remember a former college classmate of mine once telling me that if a man wants to feel something wet and sticky coating his penis every time he uses it for penetration, he should just have sex with a cream-filled donut.
"He doesn't understand why your boobs don't jiggle and bounce up and down when you have sex. Keeps staring at them as if something is wrong with them."And then there are some men who complain when a woman's boobs jiggle and bounce and suggest that they get implants to keep their boobs firm. As the old saying goes,
make up your damn mind.
"He goes for your butt with no questions asked. Is stunned when you turn him down. Accuses you of not being 'open-minded.'"In which case (
again, as my former college classmate said), women should make this proposal to their male partners: if he wants to have anal sex with her, then she should also be allowed to repeatedly ram a large sex toy in and out of his posterior. Fair is fair after all.
"Totally thinks you can give three men a blowjob at the same time. Every woman has done that, right?"This is one of those indications that a woman should seriously re-evaluate whether or not she should stay in a relationship.
"Thinks you should be able to orgasm 10 times in a row though he's hardly doing anything to you. Accuses you of being frigid if you can't."Going back to my discussion I had with my former classmate (
LC, you were truly a joyous riot, mam'selle; come home and let's hang out again! ), her snappy comeback in situations like this was:
"Oh, I'm sorry -- were you inside me already? I couldn't feel a thing.""He is shocked that you have HAIR down there. Tries to kill the 'spider' on your vajay."Ladies, this is the appropriate moment for bringing out the waxing kit and letting your man find out first hand the pain you undergo just to make him happy. Let's see if he can keep from screaming while you denude his pubic area.
"Women Like Porn. Some women Love Porn. TOINKSSS [I digress?]"Your digression is permitted and appreciated,
Signora Daza. And, yes, indeed - some women like and some women
love porn.