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Author Topic: Personality Problem  (Read 8577 times)

Valvatorez

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Personality Problem
« on: January 13, 2014, 07:59:50 pm »
Hello mga ka-espiya. Ito ulit ako nahingi ng advice dahil meron akong problema, medyo mabigat. Hehe.
Ngayon I'm a freelancer at the same time helping in my family business. Back in high-school to college,
I have a problem regards with presenting myself to large audience, then nangyari bumaba din talaga
self-esteem ko. Hindi ko kaya magsalita ng english ng diredirecho but kaya ko naman mag-sulat
kaya naisip ko hindi para sakin ang maging IT Prof.

It contrasts to my significant other who is fearless, kaya humarap sa crowd, at kaya i-express
ang sarili nya and plus good english comm. skills. Hindi na nya problema ang job interview.

It lingers up to now, I'm such a coward when it comes to interview stage. There are instances na
may tumatawag na sakin for an interview pero hindi ko sinasagot. What the f*ck brain diba. I fear that
I really have a problem. And another problem is ngayon, I don't have any network or super close friends
dahil during college, I focused sa thesis creating a system and I sacrificed going out or having leisure time.

Naging conflict itong problem ko sa relationship namin, parang nag-stay yung ugali or side ko during our
high-school to college days. My significant other wants me to grow up, nakikinig ako sa kanya pero
naiinis ako kasi hindi ako makagawa ng hakbang. I really want to change. Kaya hindi pa ako nagkakaroon
ng full time job in a certain company, nahihiya na ako sa family ko at sa partner ko. I feel worthless.
Hindi ko naman gusto yung family business namin dahil it needs some sales talks, which I really lack of and
lihis siya sa tinapos kong kurso. Gusto ko sana ay in-line sa tinapos kong course ang job ko, para na rin siguro
hindi masayang yung pinag-aralan ko during college. Ayoko dumating sa point na hiwalayan na akong tuluyan  ng partner
ko dahil sa hindi ko pag-grow up, yung maging independent na sa magulang. I also told and plan to marry her soon.
She's giving me advice how to do it pero I'm having a hard time to myself. It sucks, I'm hopeless.

How to overcome this fear? Paano mawawala ang pagiging mahiyain ko at duwag sa harap ng ibang tao?


 :(  ???


Schandelah

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #1 on: January 13, 2014, 08:14:05 pm »
Change should come from within. You have to help yourself overcome this fear.  Well, there are some seminars/training to develop that. Talk to yourself in front of the mirror. (gawain ko yan)

Mingle. Be motivated. Talk , talk and talk. Intelligent and scintillating conversations are a big help. :)

Good luck.
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AndrewSturm

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2014, 10:00:41 pm »
Ganun rin ako nung highschool pa ako takot na takot ako mag report at pumunta sa harap ng klase.

Yung confidence naman kasi na dedevelop yan. Pero kung wala kang initiative to take the first step, wala rin mangyayari. Meron kasing ibang tao na takot sa failure o di kaya mapahiya. I define confidence as not knowing that you are good at something, but knowing that you can accept and deal with failure.
When I go to interviews or discussions, I don't go into the room expecting its going to be smooth sailing. I know I am going to stutter or buckle at one point, pero you know you will recover from that. At some point, you need to develop the ability to shrug of failures and laugh at yourself.

Andun na rin yung preparation syempre. That is why effective yung kinakausap yung sarili. And this is how I usually prepare.

Why don't you take advantage of your family business for practicing. It requires sales talks right? I think some of the most confident people are salesmen.

From your post, I think you should start avoiding saying that you are NOT this, NOT that, will NEVER BE this, etc... This is so negative. Why don't you develop an attitude that is more positive. Like if I was in your case, I am from an IT field as well, but I believe I could be a good salesman, If I wanted to, I just choose not to be.
So everything is your choice, not because you are only limited to it.

dweizz

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #3 on: January 13, 2014, 11:49:05 pm »
just do it bro... huwag mo masyado pag-isipan ang gagawin... dagdag stress lang yan... gawin mo na lang... lahat ganyan sa simula... kahit anong bagay gawin mo, sa umpisa tingin mo mahirap, kumplikado, hindi mo kaya, etc... pero kung iisipin mo yung mga taong magagaling sa mga bagay bagay , gumaling sila sa ginagawa nila dahil nagugulan nila ng oras at praktis yan... sa umpisa wala rin alam mga yan at naging kabado rin sila...subukan mo yung sinabi ni andrewsturm... take advantage ang family business para sa practice...

abdul jahkool

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #4 on: January 14, 2014, 01:42:28 am »
Bro, tama si AndrewSturm, confidence comes from within. But I just want to add that you also needs to be competent. Confidence is the first step in achieving competency in your own field, you need to have experience. It doesn’t matter what school or how bright you are, competency can truly be achieved once you applied your field of expertise on actual situation.

Bakit ko nga ba pinasok ang competence sa equation? Here’s why. It is very difficult to cross a river not knowing how deep and how fast the current underneath. But if you know how to swim and you have proper lifeline then the only thing missing is courage. You do not want to take the step because you are afraid about the risk involve, but the risk will remain a mystery unless and until you finally decided to take one leap of step and then keep on moving forward.

That is normal for people who lack experience. Be afraid for your personality if you are confident in doing something you really don’t understand, that my friend is a personality problem that will drag colleagues and subordinates to hell, if you know what I mean.
 toast::

Valvatorez

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #5 on: January 14, 2014, 11:33:51 pm »
Family business, may expectations  kasi lagi yung parents ko. They will expect na ako na mag-tuloy nun pero I love IT field, kahit anong position sa field na ito I'll grab it na, desperado na ako.  :(

Gusto ko din kasi sana maging independent, earning for my own to prove to my gf na kaya ko siyang buhayin pero tulad ng sabi nyu I need tons confidence, and initiative. I worry not to my family kasi stable naman sila, kahit nakatapos na ako wala silang problema, its quite promising pa nga kasi pag nagkawork ako, the salary I will get is only for me. Hindi nako mang-hihingi sa kanila di tulad noong nag-aaral pa ako.

I really hate my cowardliness. You're right takot ako sa failure or mapahiya.

Siguro having a network might help din, but how to join in a network from scratch? Nahihiya kasi ako sa old peers ko noon na parang kinalimutan ko na, but not really, I sacrifice my little social life para mkatapos ng college. Kaunti na nga nawala pa.

smoking::

Quote
That is normal for people who lack experience. Be afraid for your personality if you are confident in doing something you really don’t understand, that my friend is a personality problem that will drag colleagues and subordinates to hell, if you know what I mean.

I don't get it, sorry slowpoke. Ahaha.


d_sinner78

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #6 on: January 15, 2014, 12:08:03 am »
Since IT ang hilig mo, I assume or at least I hope nag-search ka na sa internet ng mga sagot. So I think nabasa mo na ung usual tips pero hindi mo alam paano I-apply sa sarili mo. Try these:

Facing the mirror, say common phrases like "good morning/afternoon/evening", "pleased to meet you", "hope to hear from you soon", then slowly grow from there. Say them with different facial expressions hanggang makuha mo ung sa tingin mo e best expression mo. Then, everyday, kahit 5 to 10 mins try mo ulit-ulitin hanggang maging natural mo na yung expression na un.

Try mo rin bumangka sa kwentuhan with your tropa. Look out for an interesting topic like upcoming galaxy s5 or maglalabas daw ng offline mode ung sim city or a politics issue depende kung ano trip nyo. Then, prepare for the topic. Ano ba ung facts, ano ba stand mo, etc. It doesn't have to be an hour long conversation. Kahit 5 mins or 10 mins muna. Then prepare for another topic next time, but make sure it is something you're very familiar with.

The goal here is to build up your confidence slowly. Kahit ung mga successful people kinakabahan din so what you feel is normal. You just need practice para maging comfortable ka.

AndrewSturm

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #7 on: January 15, 2014, 01:10:49 am »
At the end of the day, It all boils down to you.

Accepting your cowardliness and doing nothing about it is foolish. Death is not when life ends, but it is when a person stops growing.

So the question is, what have you done for yourself since posting this and reading the first few suggestions?

abdul jahkool

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #8 on: January 15, 2014, 03:17:00 am »

I don't get it, sorry slowpoke. Ahaha.



May mga tao kasi na pinanganak na makapal ang muka, maPR kung baga. Talent nila yun. Dahil sa galing nila makipagusap naneneglect nila ang isang importanteng bagay. i.e. Credibility. Try mong pakiramdaman ang mga tao sa paligid mo at mga nakasalamuha mo. Makikita mo na may mga taong malakas bumangka pero yung sinasabi ay partly tama mostly mali, pero it will always feel na tama lahat ng sinasabi nila the way they deliver it. Imagine what will happen if you bring that kind of instructor to academically motivated students, maabsorb nila yung ganoong attitude. Hindi ba mas maganda kung you develop your self confidence by acquiring knowledge in your field first rather than building confidence the streetsmart style.

Initiatives comes first, followed by continuous learning, once learning curve reaches its peak you’ll gain competency. Anything that will be coming out of your mouth will be perceived by others as credible.  Dyan lalabas ang tunay na self confidence. In two years kahit iharap ka sa kahit na kanino you will never get intimidated. Anong laban ng pagiging maboka sa taong piling pili ang lumalabas sa bibig pero malaman. Hindi importante kung gaano karami ang sinasabi mo, ang importante kung ano ang nalalaman mo.

Kung desperado ka na eh ano pa ang hinihintay mo? Everyone will start in the bottom of the food chain depending on what species you belong and eventually nowhere to go but up. So Man-up, para sa girl friend mo at higit sa lahat sa sarili mo. You are the author of your own destiny. You may feel that my insight is on general note but the truth is, everyone is unique. I also tried practicing in front of the mirror before, effective sa iba yun pero hindi sa akin. Ang naging effective sa akin eh bago ako makisalamuha isipin ko na ang makakaharap ko ay tao lang din na kagaya ko at kalevel ko lang ng utak (kahit presidente pa ng company or ibang lahi). Just do it in your own way and in your own pace but set your mind that failure is not the end everything but the beginning of learning.

 ;)

FerminaDaza

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #9 on: January 17, 2014, 11:36:54 am »

It sucks, I'm hopeless.

How to overcome this fear? Paano mawawala ang pagiging mahiyain ko at duwag sa harap ng ibang tao?


 :(  ???


wak mawalan ng pag-asa po.HOPE IS EVERYTHING.

Lahat naman tyu ay may 'fear-- and remember this guy  http://espiya.net/forum/index.php/topic,161002.0.html#sthash.cpAfA8pH.dpbs

may stage fright ? heh heh even the Batman of Psychology /Tony Robbins , pero naoovercome nya din yun stage fright nya by doing some *ritual/practices/exercises (ika nga galaw galaw din. yun mind & body in sync) before his public speaking so so.

Kudos na syu TS, na acknowledge mo na yun dapat mo ichange & it's a turn on when a man wants to be better ;) So Action na lang. Wak ka mag wait sa *courage. It comes after the plunge . Don't just do something but *care about it, *invest in it. ( if you can buy or read ng mga books ni idol Dale Carnegie about confidence, or ni Nathaniel Branden about Self-esteem-  if you put those teachings in practice, panalo yun)


Self-esteem is a need analogous to calcium, rather than to food or water. Lacking it to a serious degree, we do not necessarily die, but we are impaired in our ability to function.


Valvatorez

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #10 on: January 21, 2014, 01:01:17 am »
So Man-up, para sa girl friend mo at higit sa lahat sa sarili mo. You are the author of your own destiny. You may feel that my insight is on general note but the truth is, everyone is unique.

I also tried practicing in front of the mirror before, effective sa iba yun pero hindi sa akin.

 ;)

Okay sir, hindi din yata masyado effective sakin yung kausapin sarili in front of mirror. But nakita ko yung facial expression ko pag nagsasalita ako sa tao. I'm trying to correct some flaws na na-observe ko. But right now I'm trying to communicate with my old fellas, kahit simple and short conversation na may sense or biro tintry ko. I'm on stage of rebuilding my social side na nawala.



Lahat naman tyu ay may 'fear-- and remember this guy  http://espiya.net/forum/index.php/topic,161002.0.html#sthash.cpAfA8pH.dpbs

Kudos na syu TS, na acknowledge mo na yun dapat mo ichange & it's a turn on when a man wants to be better ;) So Action na lang. Wak ka mag wait sa *courage. It comes after the plunge . Don't just do something but *care about it, *invest in it. ( if you can buy or read ng mga books ni idol Dale Carnegie about confidence, or ni Nathaniel Branden about Self-esteem-  if you put those teachings in practice, panalo yun)


Damn he's f****d up. :)

Yep, magaling lang ako magbasa, umunawa ng mga binabasa ko but hirap i-apply sa sarili. Kulang na kulang ako sa action. My girlfriend even said na puro ako plano wala daw ako application. She told me that a lot of times hanggang pag-awayan na namin. But luckily she's still holding/loved me and includes me in her long term goals.

Okay I'll try to find e-book versions of those Ma'am Fermina.


Salamat po mga sir at mam. I'll try to fixed myself and apply those fruitful advise na minungkahi nyu.

simpleman1225

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #11 on: April 24, 2014, 12:06:25 am »
Don't you worry ma-overcome mo din ang stage na yan. Marami namang ibang tao na katulad mo din ang sitwasyon dati pero after sometime ay na-overcome din nila. Pinakamagandang gawin mo ay ituloy mo lang ang paghahanap ng work at puntahan mo lahat ng job interview. Bago ka pumunta sa job interview magpraktis ka muna sa bahay o kung saan man para sa mga gagawin mo at sasabihin. Wag mo rin isipin ang mga pagkakamali mo. Magbasa ka din ng mga buhay ng mga ibang tao na lagi na lang palpak pero in the end naging successful. Makakatulong ang mga ito para mawala ang pagiging mahiyain mo. Sa English speaking naman ay it takes time para maging magaling ka magsalita ng correct at straight English. Sabi nga nila "Practice makes perfect". Kung di mo kaya na may ibang tao eh di yung magisa ka lang muna. Pasasaan ba ang malalampasan mo din ang lahat ng iyan. Importante sa lahat na wag mo rin kalimutan ng magdasal o kahit magpunta sa church para matulunga at magabayan ka ni Lord. Sana makatulong ito para sa 'yo.
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Pierro7

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Re: Personality Problem
« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2014, 09:16:33 pm »
oh tamang tama.
kababasa ko lang nito dito sa Espiya.

Quote
If you aren't confident ... fake it.
It'll come soon.
A person becomes strong by accepting their fears.