well, parehas tyu bro
I'm doing the work/my inner work and kinda HELP me (I'm still a work in progress) so i turn my "it's my fault" to "I can suck and I can be awesome" my choice...but I cannot experience both positive & negative emotion AT THE SAME TIME. If I try to hold both at the same time, I CAN'T.Then I can't relax.
What works for me though, is learning to acknowledge/accept how i feel and *allow it.Then I started to be more loving and kinder to myself( help me to move and NOT wallow for months,years to my own suckery) To be able to recognize the eff it moment and slow down. The more i eff up the more i pampered myself.Then i'm back to awesomeness (sounds so easy to say but it really takes *practice and that's how i change or program or stimulate or rewired my own brain neurons)
It's ok to remember or not remember,what's important is the *meaning you give to your story.What happens when we keep on recalling the past, we also keep giving a *new meaning to it.That is the tricky part.Any stories you tell repeatedly will grow more powerful.
When I recall stories that had happened many years ago and then I'm stuck and give more awful meaning to it.ugh.It didn't work well for me, but as soon as I realized that my *memory/memories is just a collections/re-collection of what *I think happened-in short It's just me and everything is not sh*t-that kinda help. I begin to recall stories that had happened and *blame effectively:
1.Story
2.who I blame?
3.why do I blame them?
4.what do I blame them for?
Our old story doesn't really make sense if we blame someone(you just giving it power) You just have to figure out who you blame--AND START TO BLAME THEM BETTER. e.g. If that didn't happened_______ i wouldn't realized that ____(I'm really awesome)
Signora Daza's right. It's not just our bodies that need a workout. Our mind and our soul also need crunches, lunges, squats, bends, and all that. We shouldn't just be mindful of the weight we carry around our waistlines but the weight we carry in our hearts. All too often, it's the latter that is the hardest to bear and the hardest to be rid of in our lifetime. We tend to see our mistakes in life as condemnation: fingers pointing at us as if to judge that we are the lowest of the low and are doomed to a life of misery.
But the thing is, even though depression is something that we can't really control, how we deal with it is still within our abilities and our choosing. Aside from getting professional help when and where it's needed, we also need to take stock of ourselves and come to grips with the things that make us depressed. Some of those things might still be resolvable; go resolve them as best and as definitively as possible. That way, you get closure, if nothing else.
Some of the things that make us depressed can't be undone. In which case--as
Signora Daza said--we shouldn't look at those things as utter failures. We fail only when we don't learn from experience. As simple as it might seem, it does help to take each mistake from the perspective of time and distance. Then it's possible to see those mistakes as teaching tools for ourselves.
As a personal example, whenever I used to look back at my relationship with
She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named, all I felt was on overwhelming feeling of despair as I recalled all the time, effort, and resources that went to waste trying to maintain a relationship that fell apart.
Signora Daza can bear witness that there were times when I felt that the best thing that She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named could've done for me was to kill me so that I could be spared all the heartbreak I was going through.
Nowadays, though, I look at that relationship in the manner that
Signora Daza mentioned above. I tell myself,
"Okay, it didn't work but if I hadn't gone through that, I would never be able to understand what heartbreak is; I would never be able to connect with, understand deeper, and better help those going through what I went through; I would always be falling for a pretty face without knowing what kind of person was behind it; and I would never learn to see and to appreciate the truly important qualities of a person with whom I'm in a relationship." Are there still days when I get depressed over what happened between me and She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named? Yes, there are (
again, Signora Daza can attest to this). But those days are now fewer and farther in between. A lot of the time, it's a matter of asking yourself:
"What is making me depressed?";
"Why is it making me depressed?";
"Should it really even be making me depressed?";
"What can I do about it?"; and
"What can I learn from it?"