Global Espiya - Regional Forums > Manila - Rizal Forum
Jokes
bettymay:
Guro: cno c jose rizal?
Juan: D ko po kilala.
Guro: Ikaw pepe?
Pepe: D rin po.
Guro: D nyo kilala c jose rizal?
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po s kabilang section sya!
_____________________________
Paano humamon ng AWAY ang...
BULAG?
Magpakita kayo mga Duwag!
DULING?
Isa Isa Lang! para patas ang Laban!
PILAY?
Patay kung Patay! Walang Takbuhan!
__________________________
AMO: day, gamitin mo itong chalk pamatay ng ipis, sulat mo sa
pader.
Maid: yis ati!
NEXT DAY
... nagulat ang amo, nakasulat sa pader:
EPES MAMATAY KAUNG LAHAT! SYET PAKYO!
__________________________________
Pedro: Pare galing ako sa doctor, nakabili na ako ng hearing
aid...
Grabe
ang lakas na ng pandinig ko!
Juan:tlaga?!?! Magkano bili mo?
Pedro: Kahapon lang...
_____________________
Girl: Doc, pa check up po.
Doc: Sige hubad ka ng panty at bra, tapos higa ka.
Girl: Hindi po ako, itong lola ko po.
Doc: Sige lola, hinga na lang ng malalim...
Onatsky:
tol more jokes pa nga.. penge ako.. thanks
bettymay:
Sayings to live by:
1. Birds of the same feather are the same birds
2. do not do unto others what you can't do
3. an apple a day is not an apple at night
4. when the cat is away the mouse is alone
5. if others can do it, dont help
6. tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you mine
7. early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy in the
afternoon
___________________________
sa English: Eat all you can, dont be shy... feel at home...
sa Tagalog: Kain lang kayo ng kain. Walang hiya kayo...pakiramdam
nyo
bahay
nyo ito!
__________________________________
Juan: San ka galing?
Pedro: sementeryo, libing ng byenan ko.
Juan: E bakit puro kamot ang mukha at braso mo?
Pedro: Mahirap ilibing eh... Lumalaban!!
____________________________________
Two nurses on duty...
Nurse 1: Hoy! Gaga, bakit may thermometer sa tenga mo!
Nurse 2: Ha? susmaryosep! kaninong pwet ko kaya naiwan yung
ballpen
ko!!
__________________________________
Hari: Ano gusto mong parusa? ipakain sa leon o pasukan ng bubuyog
sa
pwet?
Pedro: Mas gugustuhin ko pong pasukan ng bubuyog sa pwet.
Hari: Mga kawal! ilabas si Jolibee!
__________________________
bettymay:
Parishioner:Father bakit may nakasampay na daster, bra at panty sa
may
kumbento? may asawa ka?
Father: Kung aasa ako sa mga donasyon nyo, di ako mabubuhay!
Tumatanggap
ako ng labada!
_______________________________
GF: I'm warning you! darating na si daddy within 1 hour!
BF: Eh ano ngayon? eh wala naman tayong ginagawang masama ah!
GF: Kaya nga! kung may plano ka, DALIAN MO NA!!
_______________________
Ano English ng "baka maswerte ako?
Beef Lucky Me!
Ano ang "maswerte ako Inay?"
Lucky Me Mami!
Ano ang "maswerte akong lalake?"
Lucky Me with Egg!
________________________________
Nun: I was raped... what shall i do?
Mother Superior: Hir, take this calamansi.
Nun: wil ds ease d pain?
Mother Superior: sipsipin mo! ng mawala ngiti sa mukha mo,
Gagits!!!
________________________
Nay? bakit po VICTORIA ang name ni ate?
Kasi anak dun namin siya ginawa ng itay mo...
Eh bakit si kuya, ANITO?
Ay, tumigil ka na nga Luneta at baka mapalo kita! tawagin mo na si
kuya
FX
mo!
_________________________
A mental patient is singing while lying on a hospital bed.
after a song dumapa sya
the nurse asked...
"O, bakit ka bumaliktad?"
he answered:
"Adik ka ba?! Side B na kaya!"
_________________________
Sabi Airforce: "No Guts No Glory!"
Sabi Marines: "No Retreat No Surrender!"
Sabi Army: "No Pain, No Gain!"
naks! ayaw patalo
Security Guards: "No I.D. No Entry!"
____________________
bettymay:
Sorry kung wrong thread ako... pakilipat nalng po kung hindi pwede dto..
pero sana dto nalng po. salamat!
HONEYMOON:
Wife: Hon wag mo ako bibiglain ha? I'm still a virgin
Husband: You mean ako ang una?
Wife: Yes, do it na
Husband: I did it na, kanina pa!!
Wife: ah ganon ba? Aray pala
_______________________
Ama: Buntis anak ko, panagutan mo!
BF: May asawa na po ako!
Ama: Pano 'to?
BF: Areglo na lang po... 2 M pag Boy, 2.5M pag Girl
Ama: Ok, pero pag nakunan. GIB HER ANADER CHANS ha?
______________________
BALIW (tumawag sa mental hospital):
Hello... may tao po ba sa Room 168?
Telephone Operator: Wala po, Bakit?
Baliw: Check ko lang kung nakatakas talaga ako!
_______________________
FACT: did you know that those people who laugh with "hehe" loves
sex
and
people who laugh with "haha" are intelligent?
...wala lang, just to let you know. hehe...
Ay, haha pala!
___________________________________
Maid: Sir sinong mas yummy? si mam ba o ako?
Sir: Syempre naman ikaw day! bakit?
Maid: Naguguluhan lang po kasi ako eh... sabi kasi ng driver, eh
mas
yummy
daw talaga si mam!
____________________________________
A chinese and Steven Spielberg were drunk in a bar...
Spielberg hit the chinese...
Chinese: why you hit me?
Spielberg: coz you bombed Pearl Harbor, my father died there.
Chinese: but I am chinese not Japanese, stupid!
Spielberg: Japanese, Vietnamese, Chinese... all the same!
... chinese punched Spielberg
Spielberg: why you hit me too?
Chinese: Thats for the sinking of TITANIC.
Spielberg: but the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg, you fool!
Chinese: Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg... you are all the same!!
______________________
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