Topic: No sex before marriage a bad idea, says author...

[FerminaDaza]

A lot of teens these days are taking something called the "purity pledge," wherein they vow not to have sex until they get married. Because even with safe sex, sex comes with responsibilities. It does tend to emotionally bond you to someone -- especially if you're a woman -- and that can mean getting emotionally attached to the wrong person. Once sex enters the equation, a relationship is never the same.

But one woman writes about her "purity pledge" that went wrong. It led to an incredibly short starter marriage. Once she realized that she and her new husband had absolutely zero sexual chemistry, she counted down the days until she could get a divorce, which happened six months into their marriage.

Should you wait until marriage to have sex?

It's an ongoing debate, but for author Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, the answer is a resounding, "no."

Earlier this month, Henriquez opened up about her "virginity mistake" in Slate, writing that the abstinence pledge she had taken when she was 14 ultimately ruined her marriage. http://www.salon.com/2013/05/06/my_virginity_mistake/

She elaborated on what she calls her "rude awakening" on HuffPost Live Wednesday.

"There were some issues that I wasn't really aware of in our relationship that came to light in the bedroom," she said. "There's a different way of interacting during sex than you do in other aspects of your relationship, so let's say for instance I give constructive criticism about his work or his hobbies, and that's usually taken pretty well. But to say to a 21-year-old, 22-year-old male, 'I don't like what you're doing, I think you should do it differently,' there is an amount of defense that comes up and it strikes discord in your relationship."


Here's 5 reasons to get rid of that purity pledge and do the dirty before you say "I do."


Sexual chemistry.

Jessica Ciencin Henriquez, who kept her "purity" until her wedding night, writes in Salon:

Our bodies wanted different things from one another, so what we ended up with was a horizontal battle. I would hear married girlfriends talk about the joys of make-up sex and continue to sip my coffee in silence. We would fight, and then have bad sex and then fight some more. Every flaw in our marriage and in him seemed much more miserable when combined with the possibility of faking orgasms until death did we part. There was no relief. Six months into our marriage, the idea of separating seemed more appealing than feigning headaches for the rest of my life.

As Jessica found out, sexual chemistry is something that can really only be ascertained by, well, having sex. Jessica would make out for hours with her husband before their marriage, so she thought that would translate into awesome horizontal mambo. But it didn't.

Sexual identity. I know too many couples where one partner was able to cover up his or her true sexual persuasion because he or she simply didn't have sex with a partner. Not having sex with the opposite sex can also mean you ignore those longings you might have for the same sex, and therefore don't acknowledge them.


Sex itself. Not everyone is great in bed, and most people don't start out very good at all. A lot of good sex is about listening to your partner and being able to respond accordingly. But how do you know if someone is a good listener or responder unless you try it first?


Size. Don't you want to know if your husband is packing a hunting rifle or a tiny little plastic kid's pistol? After all, he knows how big your boobs are. I'm not saying size would be a dealbreaker, but don't you have the right to know what's down there? 


Sexual issues. Sexual problems like premature ejaculation, inability to get an erection, or even an allergy to your partner's semen are all possibilities, wouldn't you rather deal with those issues before you're married? This way you know if the person is even going to deal with them.



Let's face it, sex plays a big role in marriage. Just like you should discuss children, religion, and where you both want to live before tying the knot, sex is too big of a part of a relationship to leave to chance.


Do you think it's a good idea to have sex before marriage?

 


anyhu, if you have spare time, you can check this clip from huff post ,with the author Jessica Henriquez

http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/may-31-2013/5191012702a7605088000222

[FerminaDaza]

oOpps here's the full segment

http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/sex-before-marriage/51a4cb64fe344475a3000443

[Smitty Werben Man Jensen]

Sounds like she married "for f**ck's sake."

Kung sex lang din naman ang priority mo when entering a relationship then mas ok pa na live in na nga lang.

[berting_02]

ohhh... tsk tsk tsk... dapat ipapabasa nyo ito sa GF ninyu..hahaha

[raginghormones]

Sexual issues. Sexual problems like premature ejaculation, inability to get an erection, or even an allergy to your partner's semen are all possibilities, wouldn't you rather deal with those issues before you're married? This way you know if the person is even going to deal with them.

just read a case of this recently. this is nightmare tsktsktsk

[likemesexy76]

it doesn't apply now adays